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[sarahwhithers]

 Hey guys. I'm in a really bad spot right now and am hoping for as much insight into the situation as I can get. So I'm writing cuz I'm looking for some advice. I apologize cuz this
will prob be a long one.

To start off, the facts are, AJ (my boyfriend)is in
school full time thus has no money, no job and very little time to see
me. It's crazy classes and that's fine, I understand and knew that it
would happen. I've been supportive and understanding and thankful
whenever he can fit in some time with me.

Ok so on to the situation. First situation, AJ was invited to a
bachelor party in vegas. I said I didn't want him to go cuz since we
started dating I've said I've wanted to go to vegas with him. To many
places really. But because he's in school we haven't been able to go
anywhere cuz he's broke. So we fought about this for a long time. I'm
upset cuz he can't afford to go anywhere with me but all of a sudden
can pull off vegas for a bachelor party? It hurts my feelings big time.
Oh, and it happens to be Valentine's day weekend. Yeah. I'll be
depressed and alone on valentine's day while he's off gallevanting.
Really nice. After a while, I finally decided to fine, let him go. It's
an unusual circumstance not like he told the guy to have a bachelor
party and in vegas. I'm still super upset about it. But what am I
supposed to do? So fine, he's going, but promises me that if he wins
the a trip to Miami through this thing he does at Smitty's (its an MGD contest), we'll for
sure be going. And he's promised this to me everytime it's come up
since then the last 2 months.

Forward to last night. The draw for the trip for two to Miami is
happening. I never expect him to win of course, but a part of me hopes
and hopes that we can at least have this trip to get away from the city
and have some fun. He calls me, and oh my god, he won it. But the
situation has all of a sudden changed. The ticket that he won on was
put in that night and was a joint ticket between him and his best
friend Rob cuz they both drank the beers to fill up the ballot. And at
that time said that if it wins that he'll take Rob. Well that is of
course the ticket that won. He calls me to tell me that this happened
and that now all of a sudden he has to take Rob! My eyes are still red
from bawling so much last night. Didn't even get to sleep until after
3am cuz I've been so upset.  I've still been crying on and off all day.

In any case, I am so so hurt by this situation. After everything that
happened with Vegas, he's pulling this on me now?! He's going to go on
two vacations without me? After everything? After how
supportive I've been with his time and school? And all because he
promised Rob after he already promised me the trip numerous times? I
can't even say how so angry I am with all of this. I told him that no,
he can't do this to me twice. He can't leave me behind for 2 vacations!
It's not fair.

He can give up the prize and it would go to the runner
up but he's said he would be so upset and never forgive me for that.
What?! And he thinks that going without me I would forgive him?! Such
an donkey. As well, the ticket is in AJ's name, so he can take whoever
he wants with him, but becasue he "promised" rob, it all of a sudden
has to be him. I said did you even ask Rob if it would be ok to take
me? And no, of course he didn't. He said that Rob would be so pissed
off that he would shun me. Seriously? After the whole Vegas thing, I
would like to think that he would be understanding! That he would be a
nice guy and say, no take Jen, she deserves it. I can't even explain
how mad at Rob I would everytime I see him. How unfair the whole
situation has been.

So after that whole long story, the advice I need is do I tell him to
give it up and to not go, or do I tell him to ask Rob if can take me?
I'm a little torn because he won't like either of these situations. But
I can't keep crying about this. I don't even know what to do anymore.
AJ keeps thinking this whole thing is about trust, and in a way I guess
it is. I trusted him when he promised to take me. ANd now all of a
sudden he's backing out cuz of a new promise me made? With no
consideration of me? So yes, how the hell am I supposed to trust him
when I seem like I'm just a second thought? Sigh.

Sorry this is long and kinda depressing. I need to get it off my chest
cuz I'm still upset and crying over it. It just affects me so much I
don't even know what to do.

So any help or guidence you can offer me would be much appreciated.

[bumblebby]

 First off (((hugs)))

I can understand the bachelor party in vegas in and of itself but, when you add in the fact that he can't afford a vacation for the two of you, it would pi$$ me off.

For two months he told you he would take you to Miami if he won, all the while knowing he *supposedly* promised Rob??? He doesn't want to upset Rob by asking if he can take you but it is ok to let you down? IT IS NOT OK.

To me, it sounds like you take this relationship pretty seriously and I hate to say this but....he doesn't.

You are young, smart, funny, gorgeous. You have soooo much to offer in a relationship. If this is how things are now with him, imagine 10 years from now when you are married and maybe have kids?

I hope I don't seem too negative but when it comes to these situations I prefer to "shoot from the hip." I wish someone did it with me in my previous relationships.

[ScrapGoo]

I am with Rhonda on this one.

Broken promises are broken promises and in MY experience they only lead to a broken heart.  The bachelor party was disappointing in itself but somewhat understandable but the trip to Miami is just wrong in several ways.  Does he agree that he did in fact promise several months ago to take you?  What does he say about his promises to his friend being worth more than his promises to you?  Sorry hon, but this situation doesn't exactly paint him in a good light! 

[HollDoll]

 He def needs to not only ask Rob, but make Rob see that he needs to take you to Miami.  Is Rob in on the Bachelor party at all?

[Renee]

 I completely agree with what Jess and Rhonda have already said.
You are completely justified in being as upset as you are. Why was it ok for him to break his promise to you and break your heart but he can't break his promise to his friend?
Is he going to Vegas with this friend Rob of is? If so, there's no reason they need to have 2 vacations together!
Big hugs, Sweetie!

[-Shannon-]

 {{HUGS}} I agree with Rhonda and Jess. 

Obviously, he has no consideration for your feelings and then he's actually trying to make you feel guilty if HIS friends are upset.

I think you deserve much much better than him. Sorry if that seems rude to say but you really do deserve better.

[lizziej]

I don't know how long y'all have been together or anything, but I would be HIGHLY p*ssed about the Miami thing.  He promised you, yet makes a promise to Rob (will he be going on that Vegas trip?) afterwards.  If it were me in your shoes, I'd tell him thanks for breaking a promise.  He says it's a trust issue, but the trust issue is that, well, he just proved to you that he can't be trusted, because he broke his promise to you.  And besides all that, just where is he getting the money to do either of these trips?  In my book, if you can't afford something, you can't afford it - no matter what.  I had friends that couldn't come to my wedding because they just didn't have the money for airfare, hotel and a gift.  I understood. 

[Kara]

 I am so sorry Jen!!! I am with the other gals....

Hugs and love!!!

[beachlover]

{{{{{great big hugs}}}}} Jen!!!  I totally agree with the girls on this one.  He is taking advantage of your good nature and does not see the relationship as inportantly as you do, unfortunately.  You are too good for this ding dong!  And way too bright, gorgeous, talented....  want me to go on   You need someone more mature and in your own league! 

We love you and are here for you.  Don't waste another minute crying over that toad!  If he is more worried about his buddy getting pissed off at him, then he's probably gay anyway

[MLee]

 When the feelings of a guy friend are more important than the feelings and relationship of your girl friend then priorities are not in the correct order.

Jenn, you are too smart and beautiful to be saddled with this one regardless of how long you have been together, how much you think you care for him. This is a warning bell. You're being too understanding all the way around.

Uhm, do I understand that you are also supporting him financially since he has no job!?!  I wouldn't even be understanding about Las Vegas.

[sarahwhithers]

 This is why I'm so upset! Yes, both him and Rob will be in Vegas together. So there is no reason to have that and Miami! I think it really comes down to he's a coward with Rob. He can never tell Rob no. I kept trying to say to him last night, it's ok that you break a promise to me, but when it comes to Rob I'm sh*! outta luck. How the hell does that work? Is Rob gonna marry you? Have your kids?! He's keeps saying how committed to me he is, but when it comes down to putting me first, he's selfish.
I've talked to a few friends about this as well, hoping to get some advice. And the consenses has all been the same. He needs to take me. That he's being a jerk about this.
I have also done something that mgiht be a bit sneaky. I emailed Rob's girlfirend, Carla, about the whole situation. So I'm hoping she can either give me some insight into what Rob would think, or maybe even tell him that AJ needs to take me. I can only hope. Cuz in the end, if AJ doesn't ask, then I will never be able to forgive him. I don't know if I would be able to trust him. ANd I will end up telling Rob exactly how I feel about it all. We see him pretty much every weekend. So I could do it. I don't know what else I could even do.

We will be hitting 3 years together on the 21st of this month.

[Indy Scrapper]

 First off, hugs to you.  I agree with everyone on this.  Sorry to be so blunt, but cut your losses here.  He is taking advantage of you and it will never change.  Sure this is hard for you, but in your heart you know you need to get out or you wouldn't need our input.  You do deserve better and it is out there.  Hang in there and again Hugs.

[dianagirly]

 So basically, this is a guy who always chooses his friends over you. A man in love wouldn't ever even think of it that way- he would know that is was going to be you! A man in love would have friends who would know, this is a man in love- I am just his friend. We are talking about somebody who you could potentially spend the rest of your life with- or waste a big part of your life on. 
 I dated a guy for 3 years who never thought of me being the most important thing to him. I waited around for him to grow up-never happend. You think you are the good guy by letting him go out with his friends. But the truth is that he is going no matter what you think or feel. That is NOT a man who wants to devote himself to you. That is man who think how damn lucky he is and takes it for granted.
 If any of us had come on the board with this situation- I guarantee you woulda been like "Haul your butt outta there!"

[nene]

 (((HUGS)))
Kick him to the curb.

[ScrapDoggie]

The girls shared good advice with you.  This is hard to say.   He doesn't seem to want to compromise anything outside his wants and needs.  You have given a lot to this relationship and your boyfriend has become complacent and is taking advantage of you horribly.  Its time for a sitdown and a long conversation as to where YOU really fit in.  Be careful because he can't afford to lose this situation as you shared his money is sparse at best.  I don't mean to sound so cold in saying it that way, as it doesn't appear to be a relationship, more like a roommate or a boarder.  I feel awful for you, but I see so much more than these 2 trips and before you invest anymore of your precious life with a man who seems to live by the motto, whats your'es is mine and what's mine is mine, you need to re-evaluate where this is all leading in the future.  You deserve more respect and care.

[Flapdoodle]

 I didn't even get thru your entire post. I SO agree with Rhonda.

He sounds like a user and a loser to me.

I always say what I mean and I'm not messing around, Sarah.

You deserve SO MUCH MORE than someone who treats you this way. He's very selfish.

You need to kick his sorry donkey to the curb. 

[-Shannon-]

 This is why I'm so upset! Yes, both him and Rob will be in Vegas together. So there is no reason to have that and Miami! I think it really comes down to he's a coward with Rob. He can never tell Rob no. I kept trying to say to him last night, it's ok that you break a promise to me, but when it comes to Rob I'm sh*! outta luck. How the hell does that work? Is Rob gonna marry you? Have your kids?! He's keeps saying how committed to me he is, but when it comes down to putting me first, he's selfish.
I've talked to a few friends about this as well, hoping to get some advice. And the consenses has all been the same. He needs to take me. That he's being a jerk about this.
I have also done something that mgiht be a bit sneaky. I emailed Rob's girlfirend, Carla, about the whole situation. So I'm hoping she can either give me some insight into what Rob would think, or maybe even tell him that AJ needs to take me. I can only hope. Cuz in the end, if AJ doesn't ask, then I will never be able to forgive him. I don't know if I would be able to trust him. ANd I will end up telling Rob exactly how I feel about it all. We see him pretty much every weekend. So I could do it. I don't know what else I could even do.

We will be hitting 3 years together on the 21st of this month.

3 years and he's still putting friends first?? That's NOT OK Jen. After 3 years and the fact that he sees Rob almost every weekend he should be way more committed to you.  But since he can't be...do you really want to continue with this kind of treatment?? {{HUGS}}

[baltoscrapper]

 I would call Rob myself and explain the situation. Is Rob also going to Vegas? Maybe he could understand where you are coming from. It's worth a shot.

[kittymomma]

 This sucks for you!  He could ask Rob--or he could GIVE ROb the other ticket and let Rob take someone else. Ask him, would he rather have Rob or you pissed at him??

how can he afford to be out drinking the beers anyway!? He seriously needs to get his priorities straight...

[-Kami-]

Oh wow! This is a hard one. I feel for you!!!  Here's my two cents, if you want it....... since you have been a relationship for 3 years obviously you two are in love, so I wouldn't throw the towel in just yet. There is hope! I guess what I would do is not "tell" him he can't go, let this be his decision BUT make it very clear to him how you feel and tell him that "if" he goes, you might not be around when he gets back. Rough words, I know, but maybe he "knows" you would never leave him. And I don't know why guys have such a hard time saying no to everyone else but their significant other. I am sensing that he has some growing up to do, they all do! Does that ever go away?

Well, I sure hope he comes to his senses for both of your sakes. Thanks for sharing this with us, we are always here to help!! ((hugs))