Cryptorchidism (it's when the testicles aren't in the scrotom) is something Jaxon will have to have surgery on. We waited out the year hoping that it would resolve on it's own. It didn't so he'll be having surgery next month. I've been really struggling with this and decided to sit down for a session of scrap therapy. I do feel better that I've gotten it out and on paper...but still tender because, well he's my baby.

Here's the journaling for those who might want to read it:

I hate this. I hate that we have to go through this with Jaxon. This is such a hard time for me. All of this stress of not knowing what to expect, the surgery, the future. I am going through horrible mom guilt, could I have taken better care of myself during my pregnancy, if my body would have worked better and he wasn’t early would we be going through this. I worry about this surgery. I worry about the future. Will he be infertile? Will he find a tumor? Will it hurt his self confidence? Will it give him any troubles, even after he’s healed? I am so worried, so scared. I’m scared of the unknown. I’ve known that this might be something we would have to go through but there was a hope it would remedy itself. I may never get the answers I’m looking for until those answers reveal themselves. So I must be strong for my baby boy. I’m doing what I need to be doing. I can’t change anything about what we are going through. We will get through this, I know it.

My son was born with a birth defect...he is part of a statistic but it will not define him. I won’t let it. 3/14/2008

I used some bazzill, kraft paper and scraps...some random shipping labels, a doodlebug heart, rubons by Jeneva & Co., an olive green sharpie for some doodles, and the appointment reminder.

Thanks for looking. Thanks for letting me share.